Courage and A Mom

cour·age

[ˈkərij]

NOUN

1. the ability to do something that frightens one:

   "she called on all her courage to face the ordeal"

   • strength in the face of pain or grief:
     "he fought his illness with great courage"
     synonyms: bravery · courageousness · pluck · pluckiness 

I feel that I am courageous. I feel that a lot of you have courage. Even if you are not aware of it.

Often times we find that we really truly do not know how courageous we can be. I am not sure if it is that we are naive, or we just choose to be in denial about things like courage, strength or other various subjects like this. 

 My mom is one of those people who has courage. She has had far to many tragedies cross her path. She has really been through the ringer. However in light of everything, when she has cried every tear, she kept waking up. When she she is literally laying there with a blank expression on her face because she wants to cry, she wants to scream, she wants to punch the walls, She keeps going. She wakes up every morning, even when it kills her, she does it. She claims it is because she has no choice. However I think she does have the choice, she chooses to live.

 In 2013 my mom lost her best friend, her life partner. I hated seeing her that way. I still hate seeing her like that, it breaks my heart to see her hurt so much, When she calls me at almost midnight crying because she misses him, and then at noon the next day she is laughing and talking as if nothing ever happened, I know that is the face of true courage. 

When you think about it, it means mustering up every bit of strength you have and you keep pushing forward. However the way I see it is not to muster up all of your strength to keep going. Instead of thinking about courage the way that we have been, lets change that. We all need to be more aware of our own amount of courage, because when we see how much courage we really hold within ourselves, we become better. Not for everyone else, but in our own eyes. That is what really matters, is how much we see our own strength.  

So when you think about courage and yourself, think about when you have absolutely nothing left. No more tears, no more voice to scream, no strength to punch the wall. I hope that one day my mom truly sees all of the courage she actually holds within herself.  That she sees that it is not all just a face she puts on. She has no idea how much I learned about courage from her. I honestly do not think that I would have this level of courage without her.

Remember When life is falling down around you, think about courage and how much you really have. Someone, rather it be children or a friend, someone is watching.

Edgy Old Lady

         Today the term Old Lady comes to me with a different meaning. For those of you reading who don't know me in person, do not know that I am an "Old Lady." No, I do not mean old lady as in I am old. I am a bikers woman. Every evening my better half mounts a dark colored, low visibility motorcycle, and takes on the Traffic of Phoenix, Arizona. It sounds nerve racking, right?

        Phoenix, Arizona is filled with drivers from every corner of the world. I mean who doesn't want one hundred and ten degree weather only three months of the year? Some of you may have experienced Arizona and its wonderful drivers, if you have not ever had the pleasure I envy you. Most of the time the fine residents of Arizona do not pay attention. I admit it, I am in with that group. However one thing I ALWAYS pay attention for is a motorcycle. Not just because my best friend and I ride, but because two-thirds of the people I love ride EVERYDAY. 

     I have a family outside of my normal everyday family. I have a bike family. Everyday my brothers and sisters do the same as my love does and gets on a bike and rides. The familu me and my better half ride with have become my Brothers and Sisters. They stand beside us when we are on top of the world and they lend a hand to us when were down. These fine brothers and sisters are not family by blood or law, but by heart. They are some of the best people I have the pleasure of calling my Family. 

        Today as we went for a ride I watched some of our brothers ride and something dawned on me. Being an "Old Lady" is probably one of the most nerve racking things I have ever had the pleasure of being defined as, aside from being a mom to a little boy. I thought being the spouse of a military man was rough. You see some number of years, before I met D2( you will find I refer to my better half by a few different names), I was with a soldier. He deployed and I like so many other men and women left behind, spent nights sleepless, and every freaking minute you where awake you worried about your Soldier, Sailor, Marine or Airman. Well brace yourself, because when you become part of a family like we are, you no longer worry about just one. You worry about every freaking one of your brothers and sisters every single time they hit the road. 

        I literally could hear grey hairs growing on my head as I watched two of my brothers lead the front of the pack. I have found myself worrying so much about my brothers and sisters. Not so much about how they ride, I am fully content about how they ride, most of them have been riding longer than I have been alive. I worry more for the drivers around them. The teenager on his cell phone, the soccer mom that cuts through the pack of bikers, and with the latest craze Pokemon Go.  Please, I am begging you to pay attention to your surroundings. You are in a car, you have air bags and a cage to protect you. My brothers and sisters have at most a helmet and leathers that will keep them "safe." My heart gets on a bike every night and heads off to work, My brothers and sisters do the same. They all have a family at home, WATCH FOR MOTORCYCLES. Do not cause an "old Lady" to get grey hairs before they are due. 

When you have a child.

       Today I find myself setting aside my adult responsibilities to enjoy my son today.
I have put all of the responsibilities of laundry and house cleaning to spend some time with Xman. It really amazes me how quickly he learns and grows.

     In twenty-one days, one hour, two minutes ( from right this minute) My sweet son will turn a year old. I did  not need any doctors to tell me what time my son was born, I couldn't tell you who the doctor was that delivered him, or what the look was on his fathers face when he got here, but I can tell you exactly where the second hand was when my dark haired, blue eyed son took his first breath. That was the day my life changed forever. It was a moment that will forever be frozen in time, and for those of you that are moms, you understand.

Now here he is weighing in at 24.2 pounds, he is into EVERYTHING. He is learning to walk, and he smiles at everything. He is very persistent at anything he does - he gets that from his father, I see it in his sisters too. * Just a side note, his two older sisters are his Half sisters. His father had two kids that were already 6 and 9 when his father and I met.

Right now he sleeps peacefully as I write this, which I might add is a very rare thing with this little man.  But seeing how his tiny mouth smiles in his sleep makes my heart explode. There is so much love that I have for this sweet boy. this makes me think of a Reba McEntire song, "When you have a child." This little boy has made me really question my priorities and made me slow down just a little more so I can enjoy him. Things change when you have a child.


When you have a child lyrics

This song is worth the listen.