Check your boobies!

Alright folks, this one has been a bit harder for me to get to and I have been trying how to figure out how to go about making this post without crying the whole way through. so my post is going to be short but this will probably be one of the most important posts I ever make.


she never smoked, she never drank. She always took  care of herself. she was always on the go from raising my mom and my uncle to me and my sister.She stressed but she never let on to us kids that she was stressed. she walked her dogs everyday( well almost everyday) she worked everyday up until she retired and she always managed to be home before us kids got out of school and she always had dinner on the table by the time grandpa got home from work. She bakes and cooks Delicious food ( no one, not even Italian grandmas can beat her lasagna). Hell she makes Liver and Onions taste delicious. Her and my grandfather rode Motorcycles until I was in my early twenties and yes she rode her own bike! She is the kind of Wife and mother I strive to be. I really hope one day when my kids and grand kids look back at me they think God she had one hell of a role model for her to turn out so awesome.

However on March 3 her world, along with everyone else's world got turned upside down. "your grandma has cancer." I just froze. I didn't know what to do. I just started crying. I asked my mom about 50 questions right away even though no one knew anything yet other than it was breast cancer. We waited, We did for two months. finally surgery day came and went, now she is doing chemo and she is fighting the fight. She is refusing to let this stop her. Thankfully hers was caught fairly early. but none the less it is still cancer and still needs to be fought.








Among everything that is going on I have heard her say it a bunch of times and I am going to say it here. CHECK YOUR BOOBIES.

Do not for any reason think because you are in fit physical condition, healthy as a horse that you are exempt from cancer.

even if it is just a self exam check them. if you are suspicious of something talk to your doctor. If you are 20 or 80 check them!!!! Don't just check them in October during National Breast Cancer Awareness month. Check them EVERY MONTH. Make it a habit. I once read to do the exam around the time Aunt Flo comes for a visit, and I will be brutally honest that I never did my own exam until the last few months. Now I find myself doing them at least once a week. I am not doing it because I am paranoid but because If it where to happen to me I want to be like her. I want to be on point in this. but I also want to make it a habit. I am very bad about remembering things like this. I cant even remember to take a medication if  I am supposed to.

making the choice to choose happy.

Well hello Loves, 

so its been a little over a month now since I have joined D2 in Idaho. I am so thrilled to be here with him, to be closer to our girls and to simply have our family whole. When we lived in our Arizona I think there was always some heaviness over mine and D2's hearts especially whenever he got of the phone with the girls. Knowing we where over 1200 miles away from them and our visits would be few and far in between because of our financial status. When we made this choice to come back to D2s home town we did not make it lightly. We knew making a choice would break someones heart. it was a lose lose situation. do we break our kids hearts by not being close to them or do we break my family's heart  by not staying in Arizona. Well as you can guess we put our children first. and yes some of our choice has sucked. I miss my family. I miss my friends and we both miss our Desert Souls like no ones business. but since we have had the pleasure of spending a weekend and then a week with our kids has left our hearts so full and our minds at ease as to why we made this move. 

Someone once told me about the three C's of life.

D2 and I made a choice we took and Chance and our lives will forever change. but above all we are choosing Happy. Yes we hate the fact that we left my family, that we took x with us and that they basically have to deal with it. If we could have our way we would have both our families and kids all in the same place. 

but since we have been here we have found happy. you only get one life to live, unless you believe in reincarnation well then you have many lives to live, but you only get one like this! one with this partner, one with these kids, with this job, with these parents or whatever it be in your life. 

this is the truth. You choose what you are. are you sad? well change that shit. make yourself happy! 

Mom Shaming.... KNOCK IT OFF!!

So I am going to get real here... and this something that is weighing heavily on my mind a lot lately and something I came across on my personal IG account really set me off today.

Before I get started, This post is not intended to shame any mom for any of her choices. This post is not meant to make any one or group of moms feel bad. this post is solely intended to end the mom shaming, end the rude comments and slander towards one another's parenting choices and to get everyone to open their eyes and realize what one parent does for their child may not be best for another's child. ** Except vaccines.... please vaccinate your children or keep them where they can not get other kids sick... see what I did there ? I did not shame another parent for not vaccinating, i just said hey its your choice just don't risk my child's health with your choice.

I wont say who said it but it really pissed me off and made me feel like and inadequate mom. I know I am not. I know I am doing the best I can as a mother, I am far from perfect but I am a good mom. 

this is a quoted text..... " Breast milk is best, how can you as a mom give your babies less?"

#breastisbest #onlythebest #rockingitasamom #stillgoingstrong 

Now I doubt that this person meant it to shame other moms, however when she said it ( or typed it for that matter) she was shaming me and all other moms who didn't breast feed. Normally I just keep quiet about things like this but I am done being quiet. I am tired of feeling like I screwed up as a parent Because I didn't Breast feed. 

so  I understand the benefits of breast feeding. I understand that it makes your child healthier in general, that your child and you get to bond and that your breast milk will change according to your child's health needs. Alright cool awesome.... 

so I will just come out and say it. 

  I DID NOT BREAST FEED.

but please before you go crucifying me for not breast feeding my son hear me out. I tried. ( don't tell me i didn't try hard enough, because I am sooooooo tired of hearing that. ) 

I did try from the minute he was born I knew something was up.( in fact I knew before that because usually about the time a woman's breasts start leaking during pregnancy, mine did not. they did not up until I delivered my son). He would latch just fine, but he would cry for hours. I know that is what newborns do. but in my gut I felt like something was wrong he was still so hungry. the lactation specialist I saw in the hospital said I would stop producing colostrum and start producing actual breast milk within 3 or 4 days. So finally one of the nurses caved into my demands and brought me some formula. Xman was so content that he instantly hushed and slept. after we went home for the next 2 weeks I continued to try and feed him breast milk, pump to no avail. i switched him to the supplement formula so that I could still ensure he was full when I felt the breast milk was not enough. he was about 10 days old when i really realized he was not getting enough from me. I had been out all day with some of my family and I had been feeding him the formula I brought with me and when we got home that night he was already fast asleep so I figured I would pump and store. I pumped each breast for over an hour and between both I had only produced 1 oz. At this time my son was already eating 12 oz a day. I was taking Fenugreek supplements, well above the suggested dose ( 4 caplets a day and i was taking 12) I was heartbroken. I packed up my breast pump and switched my son to normal similac. I was going to ensure that he was going to be full and happy. his pediatrician was happy either way, he was gaining weight right on schedule and he healthy. My doctor was at a loss as to why I was not producing and the only thing she could think of was my PCOS and the hormones being out of whack. anyhow I started reaching out to other moms on social media and I quickly learned I was not alone. That a lot of moms with pcos where having this issue. 

 NEWS FLASH!!! SOME MOMS JUST DON'T PRODUCE!! 

So what is the big deal in mom shaming....

Why do we feel this intense needs to put other moms to shame? to judge them for how they choose to parent. You do not like it when people judge you for breast feeding. so instead of trying to end the judgment of women breast feeding and breast feeding in public why don't we work to end the Judgment against Moms ( AND PARENTING IN GENERAL)?? 

JUST STOP IT! STOP THAT NOW... no more. Who in the hell are you to judge.... and don't tell me you don't do it because WE ARE ALL GUILTY OF IT! SO JUST STOP IT.

someone once told me, you do you and stop worrying about what everyone else is doing.

MY GOD WHAT A CONCEPT. Worry about yourself and mind your own business. You know if we could all do this ( and again I am guilty of it myself) what a world we could live in!
ALSO think before you speak, type or hashtag!!

MOMS and DADS you are doing great, you know what is best for your child, do not make choices for other parents and do not tell them what they are doing is wrong. unless the safety and welfare of their child is at stake leave em be.

Darling, you need this vox box

Hey guys,

So as of lately I have been busy, but I wanted to take the time to share this with you... its called Influenster, and  you really have to know about it! its this company that has created an app that allows you to go and review beauty products ( well products in general) and also gets you some new products to review! for FREE. who doesn't like free?? so my best friend got me started on it and I love it! recently I got my first vox box full of products to review. its called the Darling Vox box.

Influenster sent it off and I recieved it about 2 weeks after I was selected to do it! it came with full size products and some awesome coupons! even some really yummy stuff! 

so the first thing I was pretty eager to try was the Energy Gummies.

        As a working mommy ( of a very demanding tiny dictator) I am usually pretty exhausted. Nature's bounty is defiantly changing my game though. these watermelon flavor gummies smell and taste delicious! They give me the much needed boost of go go I need to get through my day. These are a definite recommend. 

The next awesome thing in this box is the live clean baby lotion and bath wash. These products are more natural that Johnson and Johnson and Aveeno. They aren't harsh on the skin and smell awesome. I loved them because they are not harsh on my son's skin. He has eczema so finding stuff to work with his skin is not easy. Now the downside to this is that the option is not thick enough to use on him on a regular basis.  But if I'm in a pinch I know I can use it temporarily. 

 The product I am going to talk about is the Eva nyc texture spray. No this stuff I was not to thrilled with. I read and followed the instructions  but I didn't get the beach like curls it talked about .

this is before and after attempting to get those beach curls.

 However if your are looking to tease your hair for whatever reason I would highly recommend this product. this makes your hair very easy to tease and it holds so well! I was able to achieve a high front bump for the very first time that looked good and held all night long 

  The next awesome thing I got in the darling vox box is a coupon for a free container of country crock. I love using country crock anyways so this one was a no brainier. unless the recipe calls for unsalted butter I use country crock. always a high recommend this. 

     last but never the least is this delicious individual self serve  desert from Duncan Hines! I am so in love with this. have you ever had  that midnight craving where you want chocolate, but you don't want to go to the store ? this is literally the solution! if you have them on hand, you can add water, throw it in the microwave for I think a minute and a half, let it cool down and boom! you now have a small single serving of cake! yummy!

so now, I am sure you are wondering how to get a box for yourself, right ? 

1) go to influenster  (www.influenster.com/r/3209158)

2) create an account

3) link it Facebook, Twitter and Instagram

4) CHECK YOUR EMAIL!!! Influenster will send you emails and with surveys, take the quick survey and from there they will determine if the box they are offering is suitable for you! 

5) when you are selected for a Vox box, and you receive it, go in test the products and review them! 

 as you review the products, you will earn badges, more badges opens you up for different boxes too. 

be sure to fill out your about me section, and review your products. you can even review products that dont come in the boxes. So if you have a favorite mascara review it! 

also go and follow me on Facebook and Instagram

*** again this box from influenster was received for free in exchange for my honest opinions of each individual product!

Long Distance

So some update in my life... A few major things...

The first one! That is right ladies and Gentleman, on valentines day 2017 he liked it so much he put a ring on it! we set the wedding date for June 2018. 

alright onto the second thing, I am once again back in the work force! I am pretty excited to be back to working it keeps me busy, but I still Count the days. I know each one to be exact. this leads me into big news number three....

52 days.... 52 long stressful days since my best friend left. no we didnt break up, D2 took a job in his home town of northern Idaho. so its has been 52 days since he left. God do I miss him. My bed feels so empty, I am experiencing the life of a single parent... even though I am not single. Bull crap right ??? oh and my diet has been turned upside down. Because well I am used to cooking for three and now I am cooking for 1.5 and Well i usually dont eat until the boy tells me he is hungry...

ok so the best part of all of this Long Distance thing going on, Since D2 left our Son has turned into a terror. I am talking Terrible twos when he is only 18 months old. Awesome! so here I am 52 days in, with a full work load, a terrible twos terorist, a few other family things we won't get into right now, annnnnd my rock is 1,165 miles away. so in my free time while the boy sleeps I am either cleaning or I am living on pinterest or instagram. At this point this is likely my only saving grace. that and coffee. 

By the way I am really only getting one of those things. 

So anyhow it is now 53 days since dan left. I am so over it. On the upside it has passed pretty quickly. I am kind of surprised that 53 days have passed so fast!  I have to give a shout out to the people in my life who have been keeping me together even when they have lives of their own! I am so grateful for you all. to my awesome Mom, Grandma, Sister and Dad who have stepped up and helping me with X while I start gathering up all of my ducks and at least getting them back into the same pond! 

Shout out to my Best friends and my desert souls because Yall call to check on me, even keeping me busy when I know your life has its own flow! I can not thank you enough for that. 

 You guys all make this whole distance between D2 and I so much easier. Thank you guys for that! 

so anyhow those are the big things going on in my life! I know that this distance will only make D2 and I stronger. but not only that It will make our family Stronger! I can not wait to see what this new journey in life will bring us! 

Understanding why all mothers are insane....

It has yet again been a while since I have posted, I promise I will make more of an effort to do this. 

Tonight I made a delicious chicken dinner with mashed potatoes. After cleaning up our son, who was covered in BBQ chicken and mashed potatoes, I asked my better half to do the dishes since I cooked. 

for those of you who understand where this is going, you are likely laughing. 

Two days ago, I had to have a second dental procedure done to remove a fragment left from an earlier procedure, so I am not exactly on my A game. So by this point I have now asked D2 to do the dishes again. his response "maybe"...

lets give this a third try, "so will you do the dishes for me?" 

his response... " I have to poop." 

Why do men always have to poop when you want them to do something ? seriously??? 

* Ok Breath deep and do not murder him*

So of course by this point I'm now thoroughly annoyed with him....

I am sure I do not have to leave you guessing as to who did the dishes.... 

I had lots of time to contemplate over the soapy water and bits of food floating about.

I have realized 2 Things... 

1) I now know why my Mother was a lunatic most of the days

and

2) my mom and grandma where right. 

When I was little I always dreamed of being just like my grandma. She raised me for a good chunk of my life and I dreamed that If I worked like her I would have a job that would allow me to be home in time for my family to have a good meal in front of them, a clean house an enough time to relax at the end of the day. I am sure if my grandma is reading this now she is laughing...

 So being a stay at home mom is SOOO far off of my delusional fantasy. But hey I can be a dreamer right ? maybe one day. to wishful ? 

so if you don't have children.... you will never understand.... you wait... because well now I get it... I understand why my mom and grandmother would lose it before anything got accomplished... Mom and Grandma I am so sorry... 

on a side note,

This often rings to true.... but it isn't always the case... 

Sometimes they are genuinely  behaving.....

Have a great evening ladies! 

and remember to breath.... 

Courage and A Mom

cour·age

[ˈkərij]

NOUN

1. the ability to do something that frightens one:

   "she called on all her courage to face the ordeal"

   • strength in the face of pain or grief:
     "he fought his illness with great courage"
     synonyms: bravery · courageousness · pluck · pluckiness 

I feel that I am courageous. I feel that a lot of you have courage. Even if you are not aware of it.

Often times we find that we really truly do not know how courageous we can be. I am not sure if it is that we are naive, or we just choose to be in denial about things like courage, strength or other various subjects like this. 

 My mom is one of those people who has courage. She has had far to many tragedies cross her path. She has really been through the ringer. However in light of everything, when she has cried every tear, she kept waking up. When she she is literally laying there with a blank expression on her face because she wants to cry, she wants to scream, she wants to punch the walls, She keeps going. She wakes up every morning, even when it kills her, she does it. She claims it is because she has no choice. However I think she does have the choice, she chooses to live.

 In 2013 my mom lost her best friend, her life partner. I hated seeing her that way. I still hate seeing her like that, it breaks my heart to see her hurt so much, When she calls me at almost midnight crying because she misses him, and then at noon the next day she is laughing and talking as if nothing ever happened, I know that is the face of true courage. 

When you think about it, it means mustering up every bit of strength you have and you keep pushing forward. However the way I see it is not to muster up all of your strength to keep going. Instead of thinking about courage the way that we have been, lets change that. We all need to be more aware of our own amount of courage, because when we see how much courage we really hold within ourselves, we become better. Not for everyone else, but in our own eyes. That is what really matters, is how much we see our own strength.  

So when you think about courage and yourself, think about when you have absolutely nothing left. No more tears, no more voice to scream, no strength to punch the wall. I hope that one day my mom truly sees all of the courage she actually holds within herself.  That she sees that it is not all just a face she puts on. She has no idea how much I learned about courage from her. I honestly do not think that I would have this level of courage without her.

Remember When life is falling down around you, think about courage and how much you really have. Someone, rather it be children or a friend, someone is watching.