30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 6

Day Six of the 30 day blog challenge. Remember to go check out https://littlemisadvencha.com/ and follow Cha on her 30 day blog challenge!


Day 6: What are you afraid of?

Oh man this is a loaded question, and while I am afraid of spiders I am not going to go into depth on that. I am going to dig deeper. My fears are all over the place. I have anxiety. So most of them are irrational and likely improbable but hey they are still my fears. So after much thought I have found I have few fears that are legitimate fears. Most of them are based on past experiences, or the way the world goes. So they are not irrational.

1. I fear something happening to my children. Rather it be something major or minor, I fear it. I hate the thought of my babies feeling pain. My mom used to tell me you never know what pain is until you have a child. When you make the choice to have a child you allow your heart to walk around the outside of your body. Well it is the utmost truth. When my kids cry my heart breaks. So the thought of my babies being hurt in anyway is a huge fear of mine.

2. I am afraid of being alone. I never have been one to be alone. I am okay with being by myself but I enjoy the company of my partner. And especially now that I have had my one great love, I am so afraid of it not being there anymore. My husband is the person who I laugh with and cry with. He came into my life out of the blue and he took my world by storm. He loved me just as I was and has NEVER tried to change me. He keeps me on my toes and loves me endlessly. So to lose that scares the hell out of me. I know I will never have that again. My one great love.

3. I am afraid that when I leave this earth I will have left nothing but my babies and my worldly possessions. I want to do something grand in this life. Don't get me wrong my kids are my greatest legacy I will ever have. But I want something that they can be proud of too. Something that shows the the people I love that I was more than just a mom, a wife , an grand daughter, a daughter, a sister and a friend. That I have these goals and these dreams and they did not just go to waste. I hope one day I will find a way to make them happen! First I just have to figure out what they are exactly and how to make them happen.

4. I am afraid of death. not my own but that of others. In all honesty. I hate to see people I love leave this earth. I am selfish in that manner. I know that they are onto something bigger and better. That they won't feel pain and heartache anymore, but I want them here. I miss my best friend, My stepdad, my baby. My heart aches at the thought of when my loved ones time comes. How I will handle it, How I will live this life without them. I know that life goes on, I know that the earth will not stop spinning. When I grieve, I grieve permanently. It has been 13 years since my best friend passed, 7 since my dad passed, 7 since my aunt passed  and 6 since my first angel baby. I still feel each one as if it where yesterday. I know they are in better places but I miss them more each day.

So these are my fears. I will be back again tomorrow with Day Number 7 of this 30 day challenge! Remember to go check out the creator of this challenge!